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I like babies, just saying they live inside a host body and feed off it. That’s a parasite … Yes, I could raise a tape worm and love it."
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Anyone who thinks they know what’s best for 300 million people is a titanic asshole. So we’re just voting for king of the assholes."
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The 1st amendment doesn’t say I have to listen to bullshit. Just ‘cause farting’s legal don’t mean I gotta shove my nose in your asshole."
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No. You don’t read news. You read stuff you agree with. Just because somebody’s shit smells like yours, doesn’t mean it’s not still shit."
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No Father’s day gifts. Just write me a card … Of course I’m kidding. Buy me shit, I created you."
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We ain’t a sharp species. We kill each other over arguments about what happens when you die, then fail to see the fucking irony in that."
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No. Politicians don’t wanna scare you, they wanna keep you stupid. Fear is just the smell when ignorance takes a shit."
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No. I like talking, I just hate people. If I could find other shit to talk to, I’d be all for it."
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No, you can be ugly and get laid. You just gotta be willing to screw someone uglier than you."
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You screw without rubbers, kids happen. Sorry-you don’t get to have the dog without the dog shit."